Finding the Perfect man...

Between Mark Wahlberg, Shahrukh Khan, Denzel Washington and Mr. Darcy, the idea of an ideal man is embodied in every aspect of culture and society. The perfect physique, smile, hair, intellect, wit, wit, wit, humor, manners, romance, bookworminess and athleticism, as if that in itself isn't difficult enough...throw in a whole new set of standards of God-consciousness and the examples of the Prophet(saw) and the Sahaba and you have a whole new, more complicated, unrealistic and impossible picture in mind about not just the ideal man, but what is a MAN.

Who came up with this stupid idea that we are supposed to get the perfect man or "the right one" and we're ALL going to get him, right? Where is this unlimited supply of perfect men coming from? I'd be interested to see just one.
It's very overwhelming because if he is not all of these things then I can't be happy! Right? right?!

This train of thought has a list of flaws. Firstly, questioning the whole notion of a person being responsible for your happiness is calming: It's not all up to him. Your happiness is in your hands, with your outlook, reactions, and personality; relying on an everlasting support and connection with Allah is also really important. I used to think that getting married would solve all my problems and it would magically transform my life into one of blissful love, romance, support, companionship and of course, happiness. Any black holes and empty spaces of emotion and eman would be filled by this one perfect man. I didn't allow myself to be happy because I was waiting for this savior. I hope girls don't believe this because its such a stifling state of being.

I am a feminist in that I want girls to be empowered by themselves, their faith, through being productive and cherishing the relationships they have with their family and friends; not waste time hoping, seeking and pursuing "happiness" in the form of a man.

So now that I know he's not going to be responsible for my happiness, he may be a source of it. Secondly, we've interacted with other human beings, we notice even if they are nice, kind, witty, funny...sometimes they are angry, frustrated, stupid or just strange. If all the REAL people around us falter then we're being delusional thinking this one man is going to be perfect. Especially when in a marriage you are going through some of the most rigorous challenges that you will probably never have to deal with with others.

Thirdly, I wonder how many of us have thought this completely through...we don't actually want someone who is perfect. For one, we would go nuts because we aren't perfect. We would either hold him under a constant microscope looking for flaws or question his perfection as hypocrisy or being fake. It may be annoying and also highlight all our own shortcomings resulting in low self-esteem. Have you ever been around an overachiever? How long can you really be around them? live with the 24/7?

So, once I can be realistic about what married life is not (a bollywood, lollywood or hollywood movie), I can have a better idea of what it will be by looking at the real life examples around me.
Although...there are bound to be some surprises.