innocence is dead

I had a strange dream last night:
he is 5 years old and the soft peach fuzz of his round face brushes my cheek as he lays his head on my shoulder.wrapping my arms around the small person standing in front of me emphasizes how our lives encompass each others. despite this, the reflective quality of his expression gives me the startling realization that he is my son. my arms wrap around his back and my hands reach back again to my shoulders. his small body presses against me and i can feel his heart beating through mine. the beating of his heart is calm, his eyes are a deep brown, bright and have the carelessness which only the naivety and innocence of childhood could possess.
I woke up happy and somewhat confused.

mmm...fruit

HOPE is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all,
And sweetest in the gale is heard;	5
And sore must be the storm
That could abash the little bird
That kept so many warm.
I ’ve heard it in the chillest land,
And on the strangest sea;	10
Yet, never, in extremity,
It asked a crumb of me. ED

I've never actually lived amongst Muslims for a long period of time. So over different continents and cultures, I've been a bit of an oddity or a novelty. I think that novelty has become part of my personality. After an introduction, or even before, people are interested in my background, and inevitably my religion. I've got these conversations thoroughly run through, and I know how to carry myself now through them. I realize it has a stagnant effect as well, and it requires great leaps and bounds for me to actually do things to better myself as a muslimah. But now I'm faced with the prospect of living amongst many other people like me. So, I'm a little insecure... once the novelty is gone...and I don't have to answer the normal hundred fifty or so questions I get, what will I have to say? if anything, will it be meaningful?

I might have to discover for myself what's really underneath the hijab...

After today, I really feel like I have failed at life. However, instead of pointing out how I have failed, I will in a concise bulleted list tell about the magnanimous lessons I have learned and how they will impact my life forever.

• always carry poi as mandated by your state and other surrounding states, especially when you are traveling...especially when you are traveling.
• never reach for baklava while driving
• always keep your brakes pressed down hard at a red light
• always stop at least 2-3 feet away from the car in front of you, as to avoid any domino effect bumping
• always note the name, license plate, race, age, gender, car make/model/color/condition of all people involved should they drive away and leave you to take the blame.
• keep fresh brownies handy especially when traveling so as to comfort you in any unforeseen situation.
• carefully note your court date
• carefully in big letters write your court date in a planner
• consult your planner and said court date before making other plans
• when attempting to reschedule, do not leave the job to a secretary...call, call, call, call until the job is done.
• when you cannot clone yourself or make it to the appointment, do not pass go, do not collect $200, go straight to jail and lose a turn.