I do not know any other man, or even person for that matter, who can tear apart my heart with the swift and effortless motion he makes with his eyes. It is easy to lose one's appetite, motivation, and any feeling of well-being. I did not give him this control over my emotions. I have thought about this for a long time, and I did not give it to him. This has always been there, it is something which he has because of who he is. I can not claim to have known love, or been able to describe love before, but never did I realize how love can cause just as much grief as happiness.

In Jane Eyre, Mr. Rochester tells Jane...

"There is a string tied under my rib to my heart, and I imagine there is one tied to you in a similiar fashion. I am afraid that this distance will make the string *snap* and I shall bleed inwardly."

The difference between the string between us is that he holds his end of the string in his hand and can tug and twist it at will, without the reciprocal pain. At times I may feel hatred, but I don't hate him. I cannot. I hate that he has such control over me... in the truest sense, control over my actions through manipulating my emotions. Wallahi if I ever have any personal preferences they are overriden by his. It is only my faith which I have the ability to hold above him. May Allah grant me the ability, sabr, and strength to persevere... if mountains can crumble then so can we... ameen.